Ladies, Women, Girls and Crones ~ You’ve been on my mind.
This has been an intense summer, has it not? With the extreme heat and raging wildfires here in the west, it has felt apocalyptic.
People are prickly. Be it the heat or the five planets moving backward right now, a lot of us are feeling especially… volatile.
I’ve been ready to burn down my life and drive away from the heap of ash more times than I am willing to admit.
Everything seems unfair, out of my control and well… hopeless. My seven-year-old inner kid has thrown herself on the floor and held her breath until she turned blue about eight times just this week.
My inner thirteen- year-old stole the car, drove to Albertsons, bought two maple bars and ate them in the parking lot yesterday.
Some of the kindest people I know are posting things on Facebook that tell me they’ve also been pushed past their limits. This summer of discontent is bearing down on the very best of us.
So, what’s going on? Whether you think we’re being driven to action by our current world events, or you believe you’re feeling the effects of an astrological, planetary storm, how are you moving through the heaviness?
Are you feeling like something has to change, but when you try to take action, it feels like the proverbial two steps forward, one step back? (Thank you Mars Retrograde!)
Do you feel like you’re being visited by ghosts from problems past? Like you’re trying to solve problems you thought were solved a long time ago?
I do. Yesterday, in the depths of despair, I said aloud “I haven’t felt like this in YEARS!”
The return of feelings I thought were resolved would have frustrated the hell out of me a year ago. And I’m not going to tell you I’m enjoying them now. But, I do see their return differently today…
When we’re given big challenges in life, I think healing happens in layers. We heal what we can at any given time in our lives. When it seems like it’s revisiting us, it’s so easy to get mad about continuing to be haunted by old stuff; things that may have happened many years ago. But here’s what I’ve learned; if I welcome it back in and stay open minded about what comes up, inevitably, I learn something about myself that I couldn’t have learned ten years ago. Or even one year ago. And, every time I lean in to the pain being brought to the surface, I end up feeling a deeper level of healing when I emerge on the other side. The middle? I am not going to lie… It can be really sticky.
This summer, I’m being revisited by self doubt ~ the notion that I’m a quitter. That I have little to offer that’s of value. It’s a particularly dark canyon. I’ve never made it all the way through… because I’ve quit. Irony… she has a wicked sense of humor.
I’m looking at it like this summer is a powerful opportunity for me to finally work through this. The whole, dark, scary canyon.
I think that with every opportunity to heal part of our heart, we have immeasurable help available to us. All we have to do is make ourselves available to receive it.
What works for me is a process of offering it all to the Love that is the Universe and being willing to take the next steps shown to me. And to be willing to resist the temptation to let my inner kids run the entire show. Honoring what they’ve been through, of course. But they historically are terrible at decision making and shouldn’t be allowed to drive the car that is my life.
I joke, but it’s true. So many of us go through life with our wounded inner kids acting out. I’m relatively certain that much of our world is being run by inner children.
Let me bring this letter to a close by saying I have such deep Love for all of you who read and understand my words. Those of you who reach out and encourage me to keep going ~ thank you.
I have a sense that so many of us are being asked to walk through our darkest canyons this summer.
Know that you are not alone. And while it might feel oppressively and exhaustingly dark right now, the darkness comes with the promise of Light. Keep walking. Do not give up.
You are, after all, Divine Love Herself having a (very) human experience.